This Will Happen

As my frustrated friend, Ben Gretch, recently said about the final stretch of offseason hot takes earlier this week: "You can just say anything. We got a whole week more of people just saying sh*t. Kick the ball, let's go."

And he's right. Once the ball is kicked on Sept. 9, we will finally have some concrete answers to our offseason prophecies. 

Your friends will no longer be able to get away with drafting Cooper Kupp before Parker Washington, "just saying sh*t" to defend it. 

But there are several things that I am absolutely certain of before the season kicks off. I’m not just saying sh*t.

Some things are just … inevitable.

Brian Robinson Will Vulture TDs

Despite Bijan Robinson's insane production in 2025, his "backup" Tyler Allgeier still managed to squeeze out a 143-514-8 performance for himself. 

And guess what? Only 11 RBs rushed for more TDs than Allgeier last season. E-l-e-v-e-n. 

With Allgeier now a Cardinal, Brian Robinson looks to slip into the former backup’s role in Atlanta. And while Bijan can still perform at his 1.02 overall expectations, Brian is going to get his share some weeks. 

The sooner you come to accept it, the less it will hurt.

Mike Vrabel Will P*ss Us Off

Nothing in life is certain except for death, taxes and New England's unpredictable RB splits. 

Last season, Vrabel was able to simultaneously burn the TreVeyon Henderson drafters with his unwavering devotion to Rhamondre Stevenson at the beginning of the season (despite multiple fumbles WTF!), while also ticking off Stevenson truthers, who watched Henderson consistently receive double-digit touches starting in Week 8 (despite Stevenson returning from injury in Week 12 WTF!).

There's no way to predict how the entirety of the season will play out in New England's backfield. But one thing's for sure: Vrabel's usage of Henderson and Stevenson is going to p*ss us off.

A League Winner Will Be Picked Up On Waivers

I'll never forget winning my waiver bid on Puka Nacua in 2023. And I'll never let my league forget it, either. Because it felt so good being able to put a true waiver wire hero into my lineup each week.

Though we can never fully know which undraftable players are going to be the ones who "make it" for us later in the season, we do know this: They're out there. 

If you stay active all season long, you've got a nice shot at making a waiver move that you can hang over your league's head for years to come.